I made a plan.
I had been practicing, again, after a stern session with my Folks. A reminder after a series of unfortunate events occurred that I wasn’t alone. I ended up in tears that weekend. Let’s go through the checklist, a brief one…
Leaving my house for two days after a long, dry argument about renovations and advocating for my mother
The hotel, while decent, was full of renovating ambience that really stuck a nail in my nerves. The shower was 10/10 though, we loved that for us.
My cat is all of 6lbs and scared of her own shadow, she was miserable and I was sure we were about to collect a shiny new vet bill -100
I left all of my money in my purse at home when arrived but thankfully, I could send money to my mom to pay
Smoke filled sheets on my bed + asthma and sensitive skin. Itchy and wheezy -100
Cat finally used her litter after almost 2 days, so no vet bill. (I asked my deceased cat to send some spirit paws to help and I kid you not, she did this five minutes later.)
The day we had to leave, I watched a Fish Crow caw at me above my car. I thought to myself, “I should pay attention to that.” As you might’ve guessed, I got distracted. This resulted in me sticking my hand in a wasps nest.
I am highly allergic to wasps. Guess how that went. Two swollen hands, dizziness, a numb mouth and one Benadryl later… I was home. Did I mention… Benadryl is an emergency use for me because I have reactions to that too? Twice the fun there. I was only stung once btw.
I arrived home and my plants were destroyed and the house was left with screws, insulation and ceiling debris. Time to clean and make it safe for my ladies.
Then, in the middle of cleaning as I slapped a glove over my shaking hands, I remembered I had an exam in two hours. That’s when it happened. I looked at my mom and said, “I’m tired.”
The tears just left me. I don’t like seeing my family in distress and here I was crying. I didn’t have time to cry long. I disrupted another dry argument, set some things in order and got back to it. I stopped to tell my Folks I love them. I named them all one by one and said so before I cleaned again.
When it was time for my exam, the Benadryl and adrenaline dump came and went. I was too tired and in pain to complete my exam. I nearly fell asleep taking it while my heart fluttered from the medication. I was done with the day and that weekend…
Despite all of this, I would dream that night of a white Calla Lily with stems the size of my arms, flowers bigger than my head and as tall as the ceiling could allow it grow. I stood there staring at it. My Great-Grandmother Lily sent her love.
I took a week to catch up to myself and Sunday, I pulled these cards. Clover + Sun + Testimony
Where some will call it lucky, that regrouping was work. A bit of both. The Sun card loves me and I love it back, is what I say just before I pull it, but I feel that way about my folks too.
Today, I threw some Bones and pulled my cards. Today, I am reminded to put myself first right now. When I threw my bones, I placed them on the landing of “Direct” + “Passive” points for me. Sun resting on the Garden, a symbolic nod to making sure what I need is nurtured just as much as what I nurture outside of my needs. The Mountain rests be neat the Crossroads, awaiting the change I make today. Cross rests beside a prescriptive Testimony because I am more than work I do in private; I need to talk about it.
In the Direct space of my bones lies adaptability, balance from the Mink and a sureness of support. Work hard, but don’t forget to play. I need that. Passively, my ancestors in the coffin nail take care of the obstacles, the financial worries and the work of my grounding helps me too. There’s a sureness in knowing the trust of what I can or cannot see has not left me…
I know this was lengthy to come back to but thank you for your time. When you’re ready, take some time to get back to you. Your Folks see your work, your worth and your determination. Above all, they see you are the precious nights of prayer they worked hard for. You were the Lily of love in their eyes when they wiped their tears of tired events. They love you, love you too.